I’m not very good with schedules. But recently I find myself in a familiar place of feeling chaotic and due for another attempt at creating some normal rhythms for my days. I took the last few days off and didn’t really work…well, didn’t do anything that I got paid for, at least. It was good to take some time off, and give some thought to what kind of rhythms would make sense in my life.
I became acutely aware of this need last week, on a trip to San Francisco. Proof:
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(ps: Daley took this photo from Twin Peaks, which was one of the coolest views of a city I’ve ever seen. Go there.)
San Francisco was lovely as always, but the first stop was in Santa Cruz at Daniel’s cottage where he and several musicians are currently gathered, working on an album. The cottage is in a magical redwood forest, and only a few minutes away from the ocean. The atmosphere of Santa Cruz is so entirely opposite of the atmosphere in LA that I was caught quite off guard at the peacefulness and relaxed environment there. Suddenly I felt like I could write. And I wanted to read, and memorize poetry and all the other lofty ideals I carry around with me on a daily basis.
Also, it didn’t hurt that the weather was wonderful fall weather that justified wearing the jacket and scarf I had packed in a moment of optimism.
I know I’d lose my mind in a small town like that if I stayed for too long, but for the time being it was wonderful, and I could have really used a week of that sort of environment.
The rest of the nights were spent at Ryan and Holly Sharp’s home in Oakland. They just moved to Portland this week, but check out the view from their back yard. As you may have guessed, I was a bit mesmerized by the view.
All of this is to get at the same point of trying to figure out how to foster an atmosphere that allows for me to be spontaneous and imaginative without perpetuating the innate chaos of my natural habits. That was kind of wordy. But I think you know what I mean.
I’m not necessarily looking for balance, at least not in the traditional sense–I don’t need to feel comfortable or managed or safe–I just am hoping for some kind of rhythm…I just don’t know what kind yet. So far my best idea is to have one day each week for music/writing only…and possibly incorporating some kind of “mental health day” (though I have no idea what that would mean yet) every few weeks.
I don’t think this has anything to do with busyness; more so just wanting to get the most out of my time. There’s a small chance this has more to do with believing that I am what I produce; but what I do know for sure is that it has everything to do with not being interested in being mediocre in the things that I get to do. I get to do some cool things here and there, and I’m interested doing things really well.
I’m not sure if this was beneficial in any way for someone to read. It’s too long for a blog and poorly written. I think perhaps it was more about me being vocal about it so as to somehow hold myself accountable to at least addressing that this needs to be….addressed.
Wish me luck.
xo.
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