If you’ve spoken with me in the past few months for even the smallest amount of time, you’re probably aware of my growing issue with the lack of seasons in southern California. I know, I blog about it like once a week. I twitter about it.
Yes Julie, we hear you.
Today I’m happy to inform you that I am not here to be an ever-revolving broken record. No, I’m not just writing this blog to take another swing at the gong. Yes, that’s right, today I am here with an answer.
Well, 75% true. The beginnings of an answer.
I’ve recently reconnected with a former co-student from my Cornerstone days. Everyone, meet Asher. Asher, meet everyone. It’s a shame Asher and I were only acquaintances with mutual friends, because as it turns out, she’s a fountain of wisdom.
Incidentally, somewhere in that fountain of wisdom is the answer to why I’ve had such a difficult time with missing out on fall. Because my dear Californians, I don’t care what time of year the calendar insists it is, I will not listen when the weather forecast still includes the number “90″ in it.
You see, Asher has pointed out the message of the changing seasons. In her words, “…change is a sign of progression; things will not always be as they are now.”
Ah. Now I understand.
I remember the first time I heard my brother, Josh, say, “Things are not always going to be this way.” It struck me so deeply. I mean that’s it, right? That’s what we spend our lives trying to find. That’s the message we’re always hoping to hear. We over-analyze conversations and actions; we try with every last ounce of energy to rearrange memories until they tell us what we’re longing to hear. And if, through our most sincere efforts, we’re unable to manipulate anyone or anything into telling us, “It’s not always going to be this way”, then we start eavesdropping. Maybe you’ll hear it in passing. Maybe you’ll see proof of it, and know, and perhaps that would suffice. Perhaps that will hold you over.
I never realized how trained I’ve become to look to the seasons for a reminder of this truth: it’s not always going to be this way.
I need to know that circumstances aren’t static. I need to know that relationships, finances, stress and schedules aren’t static. I need to be reminded that there is a rhythm. An ebb and a flow. I need to know that two months from now, life will be different. And two months after that. And two months after that.
Truthfully, without these reminders, I feel a deep sense of disorientation.
However, I chose to come here. And I like it here. A lot. Of course, I know I don’t have to live here forever. But I’m not interested in talking about next year, or five years from now, or twenty years from now. I’m interested in talking about this afternoon. How do I know, today, that things aren’t always going to be this way?
Where do I look? What should I be listening for?
I don’t know where to start, but I’m going to start. I’m tired of poetic musings, and attractive ideals to admire and affirm from a distance. I need to know, for me, in a tangible way, things are not always going to be this way.
It’s not always going to be like this.
